For this trip I figured I would need some clothes, more than if I was going on a skate trip, my skateboard, because all kids need toys, and some reading material like the new Tony Hawk autobiography. (The book is entertaining, and written for a 3rd grade reading level, which I appreciated).

Once we flew in and made our way to my brother and sister in-law's house, I met my newborn nephew Andrew and his dog Daisy. Andrew is very cute and very small. The first thing I noticed about him is that he is at a stage in his life where he is oblivious to anything or anybody except for himself. If I was to try to experience what his life was like I had to take on all his philosophies in life. Stoked, I had to become more "all about me." Although I've been told that I am very selfish I felt that to fully understand the "all about me" philosophy I was going to have to practice real hard for the next couple of days.

Besides having a wonderful philosophy, his life at two months consists of pissing, shitting, sleeping, eating, and crying. It was not exactly the most exciting life style, but it seemed like a good life style format for me to follow while on vacation visiting him. Like they say, when in Rome, do as the Romans. I discovered the dog, on the other hand, doesn't like men, and me being one was not liked. So for 6 days I was barked at and glared at from across the room. The dog didn't really concern me since I was convinced in learning my nephew's lifestyle.

The first phase of his lifestyle (pissing and shitting) I was quite familiar with and found it, for the most part, enjoyable. I even pondered going to the store, buying a box of Depends, and having my wife change my diapers. I thought this would really help me understand my nephew's philosophy. Unfortunately as soon as I expressed my desire, my wife quickly shut me down. I tried to explain to her how important it was for me to really understand this new philosophy, but she didn't seem to care. So instead of changing my own diapers I had to do with sitting on the throne and reading about Hawk's life.

The sleeping part was also very fun and even though he only slept in 3 to 4 hour periods, I extended my sleeping to 11 ­14 hours. I also found it quite nice to follow his example of drinking a large bottle right before passing out, sometimes with the bottle still in his mouth. This leads me to his eating habits. His food only comes in bottles and he gets really cranky if he doesn't get it when he wants it. When I mean cranky I mean he screams and cries until he is given his bottle. This was amazing to me, the fact that a 2 month old could have adults running around the house satisfying his every desire simply by crying. I was also quite happy about his bottle only feeding technique, and deduced that I should restrict myself to a diet of mostly bottles sporting such labels as Dos x, Corona, and Budweiser. In the South these bottles are found in every corner store as opposed to the ultra conservative Pennsylvanian laws. This made it quite easy for me to simply stop and get one when I got cranky and wanted my bottle.

Next came the crying, I did try it, but I do not posses the fresh lungs needed to really motivate adults to become my personal maids. I also found myself coughing and hyperventilating whenever I tried to match his screams. This particular phase of his lifestyle I was not going to be able to practice so I decided to deviate from it and create a different form of expression for myself. I chose two of my favorite hobbies to replace the crying: watching TV and Skating. Luckily for me my brother in law had equipped his home with cable TV and my finger was very happy to surf 70 channels. Thanks Jim.